Shame and guilt are two different emotions, however we can easily confuse the two because we often use them interchangeably.

So let’s break it down!

Guilt is outward looking, we have done something wrong and are able to see that it is not because of who we are as a person. We can say “we made a mistake” , we can make this right with an apology and we can learn from this. When we are guilty we may feel remorse, sadness, regret and self-criticism. 

So what is shame?

Shame is inward looking, when we feel shame we believe it is because of who we are as a person. When a person feels shame the belief becomes this happened because there is something wrong or broken within me. Shame is a very isolating emotion. We feel unable to speak to anyone about it for fear they will see our brokenness or that they will not be able to understand, because ‘no one else is broken like I am’. 

When we experience shame we may withdraw from friends and family, feel worthless, fear of what others think, develop a need for perfectionism. 

Why is it hard to get rid of shame?

Because shame is turned inwards, it has a way of digging its claws into us and sticking around. There are times we think that it is no longer there, we may have a day when we feel confident, good about ourselves and out of nowhere it tightens its claws to remind us it’s still there. 

So how can we rid ourselves of shame? What can we do to heal from a deep rooted shame?

By showing kindness to ourselves, each and every day if you hear yourself saying or thinking a negative thought about yourself say something positive in its place (this may feel odd at first, but it becomes easier). As shame is an isolating emotion, find a trusted friend or a therapist to speak to, take away the power of the isolation and talk about it. Show yourself the same kindness and love you would show to a friend or family member.